You Only Spam The Ones You Love

I HATE SPAM.

Yeah, yeah, I know, big whoop, who doesn’t…but I’m not talking about the spam that promises cheap meds, or that king in wherever-it-is who fled the country and needs help getting his money, or the stock WHOSE VALUE IS ABOUT EXPLODE IN JUST A FEW DAYS SO BUY IT NOW!!! Mmm…no.

I can deal with that stuff, spam filters have gotten pretty good these days.

I’m talking about the stupid chain-letters and the stupid collections of “inspiring” or funny images (except for lolcats, they’re alright) and the stupid cutesy messages that well-intentioned friends send. What pisses me off even more is when I get them on my cell phone. Jokes are fine but NO FARKING WAY am I forwarding a message to ten other people because it says “IF U LUV JEBUS SND 2 10 FRNDS K THX BYE” I’d like to think The Almighty has better things to do than count the number of texts I’ve been sending. Also, I barely have ten friends now and so I’d like to hang onto them, thank you very much. (not true, but just I couldn’t resist the setup)

What bothers me isn’t that the spam is coming from friends. What bothers me is that these supposed friends are sending me crap instead of an ACTUAL message of some sort. Even if it is just “HOW U DOIN” or “DNT WRY BE HAPY ” I’d much rather get a personal message that someone put some effort into (even if it was thirty seconds of effort) instead of the same shit that everyone else and their dog is getting. I knew one person that pulled this crap for several months and when I got a new cell phone number, I sure as fark didn’t give it to him.

As a general rule, if the list of recipients is longer than the message itself, its going directly to Binary Hell!

No passing Go, no collecting $200…straight to BINARY FUCKING HELL.

Arrgh!

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