Here In My Car…I Feel Nothing At All

I am not a "car guy," and for the life of me, I just don’t get the "car thing." I could not tell you the difference between year X and year Y of a particular vehicle, and I cannot recognize vehicles on sight.  If you are ever in an accident, you better hope I’m not one of the witnesses, because the conversation with the police would go something like this:

OFFICER: "Can you describe the vechicle, sir?"
RANDOMIZER9: "Yeah, it was, uh…silver! I think it had four wheels, too!"

I have friends that are "car guys" and I can hang with them for awhile, but once they get beyond a certain point, I quit hearing their words and the only thing I hear is the "Wah wah waah" of Charlie Brown’s teacher as they blather on about fuel-air mixes and trans-a-missions and all that.

I currently own a 2005 Dodge Neon. It is a conveyance, a box on wheels that gets me from Point A to Point B, and when I’m on vacation, to Point C. I keep it maintained, and I might even treat it to a wash every so often, but that’s it. "Car guys" on the other hand, have an attachment to their vehicles that borders on creepy. On Randomizer9’s Freak-O-Meter, they sit a few notches above pet owners who dress up their pets or name them "Baby," but I digress.

I’m not entirely in the clear on this one, though, because I did give my car a name: the "Reliant." I also did go "oooh!" when that yellow Lamborghini passed me up on I-10 awhile back, and I like Corvettes. I also considered an intake kit for the Reliant recently, and if AutoZone would have had one in stock, there might be a K&N air filter in the Reliant right now instead of a Fram. All things considered, I could be on the brink of becoming a car geek.

I think that my lack of car-guy-ness is due to the fact that I’ve never owned a vehicle that I ever really wanted. I have always gone with the practical choice out of economic necessity. The vehicle of my dreams is about a year’s worth of payments away, though, and that fact that I have already decided on a name for it ("Excelsior") might be a precursor of things to come.

Once people start tuning me out, I think the line will have been crossed!

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