Why You Should Not Vote (2016)


I wrote this little satire back in 2008, recorded it in 2012, and after a little bit of rework, here it is again.  Enjoy!

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Dear Upset Employee:

So somebody else got that promotion instead of you and you aren’t happy because you feel that you should have gotten the nod.  I get it; I’ve been there myself.  But before you come to your bosses (including me) asking why you didn’t get it, ask yourself:

Can you honestly say you are the best at doing your job compared to everyone else?  If you have to think it over before answering, the answer is likely no.  Even if one person does the job better than you do, guess what?  They’re ahead of you.

Do you slack off?  Be honest.  You do.  I know that you do.  Heck, I do, too.  Everybody does and that’s okay, as long as you’re discreet about it.  Here’s the kicker, though:  If the guy next to you slacks off less, he’s ahead of you.  If he doesn’t slack of at all, guess what? You can’t slack off at all, either, unless you want to be second-best.

Do you give your superiors attitude or treat them with disrespect?  Don’t worry, you aren’t the first person to give me crap and I give my bosses crap too.  But I only do so when I have a good reason to.  Only when I was two hundred percent certain that I am right did I even think about going there.  If you throw back attitude at your bosses for no reason, we don’t want you in charge of people.  If you can’t respect the people above you, we’re pretty sure you are not going to respect the people beneath you.  If that other guy isn’t a jerk and you are, guess what?  We’re going to pick him before we pick you.

Do you take on challenging tasks?  It’s okay to go in over your head if you think you have a strong chance of success.  You don’t have to always succeed, and that’s okay, but you need to show that you are willing to go where angels fear to tread every once in a while.  If that other guy is kicking more ass than you are, guess what?  He’s the one we want.

So why did that other guy get the promotion instead of you?  They did their job better than you did, slacked off less than you did, give their bosses less crap than you did and kicked more ass than you did.  You didn’t get promoted because you weren’t good, you didn’t get promoted because the other guy was better than you.

Working My Way To the Top (of the page)

covers4
Bottom, bottom, bottom…

I forget which short story collection I was working on and discussing with a friend, but he posed an interesting question as we were chatting:

Why is your name always at the bottom of your covers?  Shouldn’t it be on the top?

While I may not completely produce my own covers anymore (for the better, as you can likely tell) I do place the text atop the artwork.  The decision to de-emphasize myself was a conscious one and I did it for a very simple reason:

Nobody knows who I am.

It’s a harsh thing to admit, of course, but that doesn’t make it any less true. If I put “Eduardo Soliz” on the top of a cover, a potential reader might think that the book is about a guy with that name, or they might even think it’s in Spanish.  Either way, my name (right now, at least) is not a very big selling point.

Stephen King and James Patterson and those guys, yeah, they can put their names up top because people will recognize then as authors who’s work they enjoy so they’ll be more inclined to pick up a book with their name on top and buy it.

Someday, I’ll be ‘big enough’ to have the nerve to put my name at the top of the page, but until then, I’ll have to play second fiddle to the books themselves.

Then again, maybe that’s how it should be!

A Touch of Office

windowsI purchased a Windows 8 tablet (ASUS VivoTab 8) back in January with the intention of using it as a laptop replacement.  On paper, it sounded perfect:

  • Touchscreen that Windows 8 can work well in
  • Full Windows 8 (none of this RT malarkey)
  • Improved Intel Atom CPU and better battery life compared to a laptop
  • Increased portability
  • Only $150!
  • Free Office 365 for a year

Let’s run down the list:

  • Windows 8 on a touchscreen is pretty good.  Heck, its actually great once you learn all of its little tricks.
  • A full version of Windows 8 means I can install some of my favorite (read: ancient) apps I use like WinAmp 2.9 and Microsoft Money 2000.
  • Remember Netbooks?  Those used the first Intel Atom CPUs and they were dog slow.  The newer one in the VivoTab is good for basic tasks and battery life has been in the 7-8 hour range which is what I wanted.
  • Even with a case, the VivoTab is remarkably portable.  Like my iPad mini, a 7-8″ tablet is the perfect size to carry around.
  • The price was definitely right!

And now we get to the device’s biggest problem:  Microsoft Office.  Because the VivoTab is capable of running the desktop version of Microsoft Office, that’s what you get.  That would be pretty neat, but Office is not optimized for touch on an 8″ screen.  Thus, I end up wasting time mashing its teeny icons with my sausage-fingers and fighting the interface instead of doing work.  Styluses are no help either, they make me feel like I’m trying to draw on the screen with a fuzzing crayon.  I bought a Bluetooth mouse and keyboard so I can get around Office more efficiently, but carrying them around and setting them up sucks some of that wonderful ‘portability’ out of the tablet.

Finally, Office 365 sucks horribly on this device.  It had a terrible habit of slowing down to the point where I could see letters being placed on the screen one…at…a…time every few seconds.  I would type out a full sentence and then wait for the poor thing to catch up before doing the next one because I didn’t want it to crash and potentially lose my work.  I got into the habit of saving very frequently for a few frustrating weeks before removing the craptacular Office 365 and installing my copy of Office 2010.  Needless to say, I have no intention of paying for Office 365 when the trial year runs out.

I really like my VivoTab 8, and if Microsoft could get around to making a version of Office that was suitable for smaller tablets, I would like it a whole lot more.

Oh wait, they already made one…it’s on my iPad mini!  /facepalm

Unwritten Anger

As I mentioned previously, I tend to carry a chip on writingmy shoulder at work, which can increase or decrease in size depending on the derp that is being thrown my way by customers, coworkers, and the company I work for.  I recently had an instance where working on a story during my lunch hour improved my mood and I felt happy throughout the remainder of the day.

It happened again.  I got worked up into a lather one morning thanks to a coworker who couldn’t follow simple directions.  I reached the point where I had to walk away from my desk because I wanted to hit something or someone.  Lunch couldn’t come too soon because doggone it, I needed a break.

I returned to my desk and lunchtime soon arrived without incident.  I tapped away on my tablet, looking for some mental respite from the day.  I had earbuds on and was listening to music in an attempt to blot out the office noise.  As is often the custom, I opened my ‘To Do’ directory and scrolled down the list of unfinished short stories, blog posts, podcast scripts, and book drafts for something to work on.  I opened up the short story that I had started before.  The words flew from my fingertips and I had a completed first draft by the time lunch was through.  As was the case before, I felt better after the fact.

It then occurred to me that I hadn’t written any fiction in quite a few days; I had been spending them formatting “Fuzzy Words” for publication and recording and editing podcasts.  I started to wonder: was I more easily upset because I hadn’t worked on any stories in a while?  Have I gone from ‘I like to write’ to ‘I need to write?”

70 Things I Noticed During PAX South

conventionsPAX South took place this past weekend in San Antonio, and I dropped in on behalf of originalgamer.com to help out with Video Game Jeopardy! and play some games.

  1. Rainy and cold on Friday. Did the weather follow the Penny-Arcade guys down here?
  2. First time I’ve ever seen people scalping tickets at a con.
  3. Weird con idea: Coat check-in
  4. Found it hilarious that OG forgot his battery pack and his phone died. Seriously, dude?
  5. Dafuq with all the Seahawks jerseys? I thought these were supposed to be nerds?
  6. Nice line for Video Game Jeopardy, hope my voice holds up
  7. Men’s room was out of soap, hopefully that means people are using it 
  8. Actually, I didn’t use any. Sorry, guys, I was in a hurry
  9. We’ve been doing Video Game Jeopardy for years and of course I goof up in front of our biggest audience by pulling up an answer when the contestant had it wrong
  10. The guy won easily, no harm done there. *whew*
  11. Despite all the Seahawks jerseys, ‘Cover Athletes’ was easily the most-hated Video Game Jeopardy! category
  12. Somebody actually knew the obscure Atari 2600-related answer (Pele’s Soccer) Impressive.
  13. The risk of picking random people for Video Game Jeopardy is that we may get folks that know little or know it all, we got two of the first and one of the second.
  14. Had a case of mistaken identity after Video Game Jeopardy, hadn’t had that happen in a while.
  15. Sorry, I have never worked at GameStop, though like many gamers, I’ve spent enough time at them for it to seem that way.
  16. Thought someone was giving away bean bags until I realized it was a chill area.  Derp.
  17. Saturday-If you don’t mind walking a few blocks there’s a $2.50 per day parking lot under the freeway at E. Houston St.
  18. Forgot to bring my 3DS on Friday, not making that mistake again!
  19. I always bring a box of Rice Krispies Treats in my backpack.  Just the thing to hold one over till the next meal.
  20. Nerds love em too, which is good for sharing
  21. Seriously.  Anime, comic, furry, video game, whatever-con. Nerds flip for Rice Krispies Treats.
  22. Left my gloves at a friend’s house a few weeks ago, sure would have come in handy today!
  23. Random guy came up and offered me a Saturday badge because he was looking for a guy ‘with a red shirt and a fist on it.’  Lucky for him I’m honest.
  24. Weird thing: He apparently didn’t notice I was already wearing a badge.  Hope he found who he was looking for.
  25. Saturday con day breakfast: Breakfast on a Bun with sausauge.  If you don’t know what that is, have breakfast at Whataburger the next time you see one.
  26. Oh, they do have a coat check here.  Cool.
  27. So one hall is to hold the line to get into the other one? I am a little disappoint.
  28. Remember when arcades weren’t just fighting games? Pepperidge Farm remembers
  29. Maybe its because I’ve been to E3 but my initial reaction to PAX was slightly underwhelmed
  30. What was there was cool, but in terms of volume, other cons have more stuff.  Quality vs. quantity, I suppose.
  31. Also, I’m also not a OMG HARDCORE GAMER so I’m not exactly the ‘target audience.’
  32. Plenty of signal, no data, thanks Cricket/AT&T!
  33. Crisis:  3DS battery light turns red OH NOES I’LL MISS ALL THE STREETPASSES
  34. Nintendo: Y U NO USE USB?
  35. Good idea: Arriving half an hour early for a panel. Bad idea: Standing in line for about a half-hour waiting to get in
  36. I own an iPad mini, a Windows 8 tablet, a smartphone and still ended up using paper and pen to take my notes.  Yay for dead trees!
  37. Weird moment: Sitting at the lower level of the Rivercenter food court eating, looking to my left, and seeing people’s feet.
  38. They had shoes on, so it wasn’t that bad
  39. Weirder moment: Seeing a Starbucks gift card next to said feet
  40. Weirdest moment: Asking the owners of the feet if they had dropped it
  41. The card wasn’t theirs and I was too honest to take it. Oh well!
  42. Thought I saw the paleta man but it just a bicycle-rickshaw thing BOO
  43. Scott Kurtz was the only celebrity I knew of, so I said hi, told him I enjoyed PvP and went on my merry way.
  44. I probably weirded the dude out. Sorry man, couldn’t think of anything clever.
  45. Booth observations:  No demo, no write up.
  46. I also don’t think my editor is interested in Kickstarter projects.
  47. Saw one booth that looked like a T-shirt company-cum-game developer…huh?
  48. I tended to ignore booths that had ‘just another’ shooter/platformer/adventure game.  Yes, I’m jaded
  49. No interest in mobile games, either. Sorry, guys /shrug
  50. Loneliest booth was probably Gamechurch.com
  51. Sitting across from an empty seat resting my feet and some gal just sits in it.  I guess being pretty means not having manners.
  52. The next gal that showed up after Ms. Thing left asked if the seat was taken.  Go fig.
  53. Not interested in swag, but Astronaut ice cream?  Yes, please!
  54. I have no idea why they had Astronaut ice cream.
  55. Rest time = Streetpass harvest time!
  56. Losing weight is good. Having to constantly pull up my jeans is annoying, made me like a bleeping teenager
  57. I referred to the jean-tugs as the ‘reverse Picard maneuver’
  58. Lots of compliments on my ‘I can wreck it!’ shirt again, woo!
  59. Realized after the fact that I overpacked and should have left my Bluetooth mouse/keyboard at home.
  60. Observation from OG: There were no volunteers barking at attendees like at other cons
  61. Wonder if it’s because the attendees seem to be a mite older here?
  62. Regardless, perhaps other cons need to jazz up their marketing and call their volunteers something else to add prestige and respect to what is a very thankless job.  “Volunteer?”  Boring.  “Enforcers?”  Oooh.
  63. Not sure what I’m going to do for Sunday.  I pretty much saw all the booths yesterday
  64. Made darn sure to charge my 3DS last night
  65. Also remembered to fill my water bottle before leaving the house this time.  Mmm, home water.
  66. The weather was so nice I almost forgot my coat when I left
  67. Now that the event is over, I can finally delete all those ‘PLEASE COME SEE OUR STUFF’ emails from devs.
  68. Great, now they’re finding me on my Twitter
  69. Obligatory work item: My legs should not be this sore after the fact, need a gig where I *don’t* sit on my tail all day
  70. PAX South is probably the best fan-run gaming convention around and I can see why folks love it so.  Its not really my thing; if I go next year it’ll just be for a day.  Plenty of my friends had a blast, though!