Method of Revenge

Originally published March 12, 2015

I think this happened to one of my coworkers.


All was quiet in the church. The congregation sat and eagerly waited for the ceremony to begin. The church doors burst open and a winged woman wearing a black robe flew into the building.

“Ah-ha ha ha ha!” the dark fairy cried, taking fiendish delight in the gasps and screams that came from the people assembled beneath her as she flew above them.

“No!” Sir Richards gasped once he recognized the intruder, who came to a halt above a baby’s crib that sat at the front of the church.

“At last, Sir Richards, I have come to collect on your debt!” the fairy evilly cackled while hovering over the baby’s crib.

Terrified, Sir Richards pleaded for mercy: “Please. I beg of you, Lois! Let my child be! I was a fool then!”

“You are a fool now if you think I will simply forgive your past transgression, mortal!” Lois taunted. She then turned her attention to the child in the crib, cooing as she tenderly touched his head. “Such a beautiful baby boy. It is a shame that he must pay the price for the sins of his father.”

Richards and the crowd could only watch in horror at what happened next. Lois drew back, spread her arms wide, and cast her spell: “For all of your days, child, for as long as you shall live, you will NEVER, EVER, LEAVE YOUR PLACE OF WORK ON TIME!” she cried. A flash of light emanated from her extended hands and struck the crib. A delighted Lois threw her head back and let out an evil laugh that echoed throughout the church.

Silence followed. Lois looked down and saw nothing but confused faces looking back at her.

After a few awkward moments, Sir Richards asked: “So, that’s it?”

Annoyed, Lois drew her arms across her chest and let out a humph. “Well, of course, that’s it, silly man! This is the twenty-first century! What were you expecting, a spindle?”

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